Millennials… Act Different, Live Different, Parent Different. Are just Different

A Millennial, also known as Generation Y) is anyone born between 1981 and 1996. We have lived through various wars, government officials, scandals, mass shootings, and so much more I cannot even mention. We have lived in five different decades, two centuries, two different millenias and we ain’t even 50! As a result of these activities, we were raised by some “gangstas”. Some of us were raised in two parent homes, but in my case, I was raised in a single parent home. My mother worked hard, played hard, and while I never wanted for anything or saw her struggle, I know it was there. She is responsible for how I turned out. While I am far from perfect, I think I turned out okay.

Unlike my mom, I chose to get married and start a family later in life. I got married at 37, had my first child at 39 and my second one at 40. Talk about life changing. I am learning I am not the only one who chose this life. By this life I mean did all of the “traditional activities” later on in life. In my 20’s settling down was the FURTHEST thing from my mind. I was too busy trying to figure out my life. Trying to answer questions like:

·      I got this degree, what’s next? Gotta get a job, where am I about to work?

·      Should I go to graduate school? If so, where? What would I major in?

·      What is going on in the city tonight? (the short answer was NOTHING)

·      A trip to New York sounds dope. How can I make that happen with no money?

·      I have a date with Joe (random name) tonight. How can I get rid of him to go bowling with John?

·      Joe and John “ain’t” talking about nothing for real. What’s my exit strategy to ditch both of them?

·      My car needs some work. Who’s about to pay for it? Hmmmmm

As you can see, in my early 20’s I was all over the place…literally. I saw and experienced A LOT. I made sure to LIVE and make the best of all those years, for sure. Looking back, I am glad I did! It was not until later that I made up my mind about what I really wanted to do with my life. I got the education and training I needed to meet those goals, so it wasn’t until after that I really started to branch out. Great job. Great place to live. Great everything. During this time, my vision shifted. I bought my first home. I started dating intentionally. Not necessarily with the intention to marry, but to at least get a sense of what I wanted versus what these dudes had to offer. I advanced my career. I did everything on my own time, and becoming a mom was no different.

After experiencing a miscarriage, my thoughts about becoming a mom shifted in that I questioned if it would happen. While I grieved, I thought about possible plans A, B, C, D…all the way through the alphabet. Some of these plans included surrogacy, adoption, and having to accept a reality where I would not have any kids at all (this was definitely plan Z!). We welcomed our first baby in 2022, and our second in 2023. These sisters are 16 months, and some change a part in age, and a literal illustration of what pure joy looks like. I love that for them. I love that for me! I love that for our little family.

Bringing things full circle, my husband is older than me and has his own story to tell about what life was like before me and our family. We were raised by strong, Black women, but we decided some time ago to choose our own path as far as raising/rearing our babies. Our goal is to discipline them in ways that make sense, thus discipline for them does not look the way he and I experienced it. I think the new terms for what we are trying to do is called “gentle parenting”. Now I don’t know that everything we do is gentle, but meh.  We just want our babies to be good people, have manners, love the Lord, travel the world, learn as much as they can through life experience, and never miss an opportunity to experience what could be one of a lifetime. There is no preset manual as to what their lives should be or look like. That is totally up to them. We want them to be free thinkers, be able to care for themselves, and to ALWAYS be each other’s best friend. Like so many other millennials and others who don’t fit that “mold”, we are just trying to figure out life as it comes. Somebody needs to create an SOP for what we are experiencing, OR at least a study guide. It is so ghetto out here, but I guess it’s best we create our own path. We wouldn’t be millennials if it were any other way!