What is Motherhood?…
If anybody asks motherhood me, motherhood is the HOODEST hood I have ever been a part of (and I have been in a hood or two…OR three *wink*). It is a hood that does not come with a standard operation procedure (SOP) or manual to refer to. It is like a test I did not get to study for. It didn’t come with a study guide, nor a book to refer to because every mother’s experience is different. My choices led me to experience motherhood later in life. Later than society’s expectation, at least. Pretty much established in my career, established in knowing who I was and who I was going to experience motherhood with. Establish habits, established schedules, established, established, established. Tuh! All of that “establishment” meant absolutely nothing in terms of being a mother. This poem (that doesn’t rhyme, so not too much on me) paints the picture of motherhood for me.
The thought of a figment of your imagination growing into a human being is mind blowing. Saying goodbye to a life you will never see again to experience a life you did not know you longed for is so surreal. It’s like walking on a cloud. Uncharted territory in which God himself could only create. Answers to questions I will have to learn “on the job”. Unsuspected smiles for the most random instances that are unique to the moment. Candids are expected, but unscripted and totally worth the sleepless nights, the unwarranted and random crying fits for no real reason other than you have not figured out your emotions and hos to work through them. The love I have for my babies is real. I love them with every ounce of my being. I love them like the breaths I take. Effortlessly, involuntarily voluntarily necessary. Frustrations, bouts of being overwhelmed, and various emotions are NORMAL. Questions about decisions made and actions taken are always at the forefront of my mind, but things must keep rolling. There are minimal to no sick days or leave unless intentionally taken. Little ones constantly looking to you to meet their needs and wants remain constant. This is the case even when fatigue, stress, the need to be alone, and whatever else makes itself present. The reward is in the health and success of the little humans who eventually grow into beautiful, kind, joyful, and solid human beings who positively impact the world around them. Who are not afraid to go after their goals and dreams AND be the twinkle in the eye of little ole me! My love is unmeasurable, endless, and there is absolutely NOTHING either of my girls could ever do to make it stop or go away.
While rewarding, being a mom is hard. Early on I was extremely hard on myself to live up to a crazy standard I set for myself based on a fairytale, I suppose. These days I am fighting for my life with motherhood. Some days don’t go so well, but most days I am left feeling like, “How did I get so blessed to have these two little humans to call my own?” Thank you God for choosing me. I am working hard each day to make you and my babies proud
